How you answer matters. Just not in the way you think.
Three patterns that kill first calls, and how to prepare differently
I hadn’t planned to publish a second newsletter this week, but then I noticed a flurry of activity on The Recruiting Advisor, my AI agent that helps families navigate the process.
The build-up to June 15 predictably brings a spike in usage - and as I reviewed the anonymized conversations, the same pattern kept coming up over and over again: how to answer the questions coaches are going to ask them.
They were feeding the agent specific questions - “what are your strengths and weaknesses,” “why do you want to come here,” “tell me about yourself” - and asking how to handle each one. Preparing answers. Rehearsing responses.
Which reminded me that most players preparing for their first June 15 call have done some version of the same thing. They’ve written notes. They’ve looked up common questions. They feel reasonably prepared going in.
How you answer matters, of course. Just not in the way you might think.
What coaches are actually testing
It’s worth understanding before June 15 that coaches aren’t expecting polished answers. They’ve been on enough calls to know that a 16-year-old talking to a stranger about her future is going to be nervous. It’s normal, and it’s expected.
What they’re listening for is something different.
Can you give me a real answer? Can you tell me something specific - about yourself, about your game, about why you’re interested in this program - that I couldn’t have heard from the last few players I called? And underneath all of that: are you a human being I can imagine coaching for four years?
As a friend of mine at one of the nation’s best programs likes to say: “Can I imagine having an enjoyable conversation with you, sitting in an airport at 6am?”
The player who gives a rehearsed, polished answer that sounds like a college application essay is harder to get a read on than the player who stumbles a little, laughs at herself, and then says something genuine.
Coaches aren’t building a roster of perfect interviews. They’re building a team of people they’ll spend thousands of hours with.
The three patterns that kill calls
1. Naming without claiming
There’s a type of question almost every coach asks some version of.
It might be “what are your core values”, or “what are your strengths and weaknesses”, but at some stage you’ll likely be asked to talk about yourself.
They’ve already seen you play, and now they can finally talk to you, so they’re looking to learn about the person behind the player.
Let's say they go with "how would your teammates describe you?" and the answer is "hardworking, coachable, competitive." That means almost nothing by itself.
The answer that lands is the one with a story attached - a specific moment, a specific situation, something that could only be true of you. Have examples ready. It makes the conversation feel easier and is an early way to show off your personality.