The $1,000 question nobody asks before showcases
Why playing time conflicts happen and how to prevent them
A family just spent $1,000 on a recruiting showcase weekend.
Hotel, travel, tournament fees, meals - all so their daughter can play in front of college coaches.
She plays a few minutes off the bench in each game.
Mom is furious. Dad demands a meeting. The player is embarrassed and confused.
Sound familiar?
The expectation mismatch
Families and coaches have fundamentally different goals at showcases.
Families want maximum exposure that justifies their investment. They see showcases as recruiting opportunities they’ve purchased.
Meanwhile, coaches are trying to balance winning, development, club reputation, and player exposure - in whatever order they prioritize.
Both perspectives are valid. But when they’re not aligned, resentment builds fast.
Why coaches make the decisions they do
At recruiting tournaments, club coaches face four competing pressures.
There’s the competitive pressure to field the best lineup at high-profile events where club reputation matters.
The development pressure to give players growth opportunities, even if it costs games.
The business pressure to keep paying families happy.
And the recruiting pressure to help as many players as possible get college exposure.
Different coaches weigh these differently. Some prioritize winning above all else. Others rotate evenly regardless of score. Many try to balance all four and end up satisfying no one.
The problem? Families rarely know which philosophy their club follows until the lineup comes out.
The uncomfortable truth
Paying for a showcase doesn’t guarantee playing time. It guarantees access to the event.
What you do with that access depends on where you sit in your team’s competitive hierarchy.
This creates cascading problems. Players get caught between frustrated parents and coaches’ decisions. Parents burn bridges with coaches who could still help with recruiting. Coaches spend energy managing upset parents instead of actually coaching.
Nobody wins when expectations aren’t aligned upfront.
The questions to ask BEFORE tournaments
Have the playing time conversation before you’re at the tournament, not after.
Ask your club coach what their playing time philosophy is for this specific event. Find out how they determine who plays and how much. Learn when and how lineup decisions will be communicated.
Keep it general - you’re understanding their system, not negotiating your kid’s minutes.
When I coached club, we categorized events upfront.
Learning tournaments had equal playing time for development.
Recruiting tournaments guaranteed 30% minimum playing time, with the rest earned - these were major showcases like Shooting Star.
Performance tournaments had zero guarantees with winning as the priority - think National Club Championships.
Players didn’t always like the coaching decisions, but they couldn’t say they didn’t know what was coming.
When disappointment happens anyway
Even with aligned expectations, playing time disappointments happen.
Your kid worked hard in training. They thought they’d earned more opportunities. The lineup still didn’t go their way.
How you handle this moment matters more than the lineup decision itself.
The families who respond productively focus on what their kid can control. They have constructive conversations with coaches after emotions settle. They channel disappointment into motivation for improvement.
The families who respond destructively blame coaches publicly, confront them emotionally, and complain endlessly about fairness.
Both responses are understandable. Only one keeps doors open.
The bottom line
Ask the hard questions early. Accept uncomfortable answers. Make informed decisions about which events are worth your investment.
And when disappointment happens - because it will - remember that your response matters more than the lineup.
The families who handle this well don’t get more playing time. But they maintain relationships with coaches, preserve their kid’s experience, and keep recruiting opportunities alive.
Want to know exactly how to handle playing time conversations when they arise? Thursday’s premium newsletter breaks down the framework for coaches, players, and parents - what to say, what not to say, and how to turn disappointment into growth.
In my flagship course, The Field Hockey Recruiting Playbook, there’s a bonus module on handling playing time conversations - along with the other ups and downs of the recruiting process. It’s currently available at a 33% discount!