Fall season is underway, which means rosters are being finalized. That could mean some high school players make varsity, or some stay on JV. In college, it might mean hearing that you’re not among the 16-18 players your coach plans to use in games this season.
For some players, that means having a conversation they were hoping to avoid, and one that’s no fun to be a part of.
They didn’t make the cut. Or they’re not starting. Or they’re getting less time than they thought they would.
What happens next - and how you, as a parent, respond to it - is what today’s piece is about.
Why the decision probably isn’t what you think it is
When a player doesn’t get selected, the instinct is to look for a reason that centers on her. What did she do wrong? What can she do better? What is the coach seeing that we’re not?
Sometimes it’s that, but it’s often more complicated.
A coach’s job is to make the decision that’s in the best interest of the team. Not the individual, not themselves. The team. And that means they’re weighing dozens of other factors that have nothing to do with your daughter’s talent.
Can she be trusted to execute the game plan? Does she understand the pressing structure, where the team is forcing the opponent, where they want to try to recover the ball, and what her specific role requires? A forward who scores goals but doesn’t do her job in the press becomes a liability at certain levels of the game, regardless of what she contributes in the circle.
Does she bring her specific strength at a high enough level to be relied upon? If a midfielder’s super strength is posting up to receive facing her own goal under pressure and progressing play upfield, but she’s getting turned over doing it, that strength stops being an asset.
Then there’s the puzzle piece problem. Field hockey at higher levels involves substitution charts, set-piece considerations, and physical rotation plans. A player who might be in the top 16 on pure talent can lose out to someone slightly less skilled who fills a different gap. She could be the only reliable injector on penalty corners, or the best first runner on the defensive PC unit, or maybe she maintains her physical output into the later minutes when others are fading.
And underpinning all of this is the training environment, and how players are showing up there daily. If your kid isn’t playing, it’s easy to imagine how good she might be, but the coach is seeing whether that’s actually true every day at practice.
I once had a parent who moaned incessantly about how his kid deserved to play, so I invited him to watch 20 minutes of practice and put himself in the selector’s shoes. After 15 minutes he shook my hand, apologized for wasting my time, and left.
