Welcome to the talking stage
Why the information asymmetry doesn’t end when the calls begin
There’s a version of June 15 that families imagine before the date finally rolls around. The contact window opens, the cards go on the table, and suddenly everyone knows where they stand.
That’s not always how it goes, though.
What actually happens is that the asymmetry of information that defined the entire process before June 15 doesn’t fully disappear. It just changes shape. Instead of silence, you get conversation. Instead of not knowing if a coach is interested, you’re now hopefully talking to several who are - and they’re each talking to several of you.
Nobody’s lying. Nobody’s being dishonest. But almost nobody is being fully transparent either, because almost nobody can afford to be yet.
What’s happening on your side
You’ve got calls happening. Maybe several. Some of those conversations feel exciting - there’s a genuine connection, with a coach who clearly wants you. Others feel more like maintenance. A program you’re keeping in your back pocket, just in case the ones you really want don’t work out.
Say you’ve got a dream school that’s been warm but vague, and a second program that’s offered you an official visit already and is waiting on you. You’re probably not telling the second program where they actually rank. You don’t want to burn that bridge in case the dream school falls through. So you keep the conversation going. You stay polite, engaged, vaguely positive. “I just need a little more time to make arrangements and talk to my family.”
You’re not necessarily lying to them. You’re just not telling them everything either.
What’s happening on the other side
You’ve probably realized by now that the coaches are doing the exact same thing.
A coach has her own version of your list. A few players she’s genuinely excited about, a few more she’s keeping warm in case her top targets commit elsewhere. She’s not going to tell the second group they’re not the priority, because she might need them. If her first choices go elsewhere, the player she was being politely noncommittal with last week suddenly becomes much more interesting.
This is what happens when both sides are managing finite resources - your time and attention, her roster spots - under conditions where nobody has full information about what the other side is actually going to do.
Why nobody can fully commit yet
The honest answer is that commitment is binary and information is not. You can’t half-commit to a program, and a coach can’t half-offer you a spot. But the information that would make either of you confident enough to fully commit - what other options will materialize, who else might say yes, who else might say no - doesn’t arrive all at once. It trickles in over weeks, sometimes months.
So both sides hedge. Both sides keep multiple conversations alive longer than feels entirely honest, because the alternative is closing a door before you know what’s actually on the other side of it.
There’s a difference, though, between reasonable hedging and stringing someone along.
Keeping a back-pocket program warm while you wait to hear from your top choice is normal. Letting that same program believe they’re your first choice - actively implying interest you don’t have, arranging a visit you have no intention of following up on, accepting a deadline extension you know you’ll use to wait out someone else entirely - starts to cross into something less fair.
The test isn’t whether you’re being fully transparent. Almost nobody is, on either side, right now. The test is whether you’re being honest enough that the other side could make a reasonable decision with the information they have. If a coach asked you directly where you stood and you’d have to lie outright to keep them engaged, that’s usually the signal you’ve gone further than the moment requires.
What this means for you
None of this is something to fix. It’s just the structure of the process right now, and understanding it changes how you experience it.
If a coach seems warm but noncommittal, that’s not necessarily a bad sign. It might just mean she’s managing her own list the same way you’re managing yours. It’s the same if you’re keeping a program on the back burner while you wait to hear from your top choice. It’s just how this period works for almost everyone going through it.
The discomfort of this in-between stage is real, and it can run for weeks or longer. Nobody loves the ambiguity. But it resolves the same way it always does - through time, more information, and eventually someone making the first real move.
You’re not doing anything wrong by being in it. You’re just in it. So is everyone else.
Eventually, someone defines the relationship. That’s how this stage usually ends.
If you want a guide through the post-June 15 madness, The Recruiting Advisor is available 24/7, is trained specifically on field hockey recruiting, and has been busy this week for exactly this reason.