What coaches are really saying (and what they actually mean)
Three common phrases, what they usually mean, and how to respond
Last week I wrote about why recruiting conversations are so hard to read - the knowledge gap between families doing this for the first time, and coaches who’ve done it hundreds of times. This week, I want to make that more concrete.
Below are three phrases that show up in almost every recruiting process. You’ve probably heard at least one of them. Here’s what they usually mean, when they’re legitimate, and when they’re a warning sign worth paying attention to.
“We’re taking it slow this year”
What it sounds like: We’re being thoughtful and deliberate about recruiting.
What it usually means: You’re not a priority prospect right now — though that’s not always permanent.
The thing families don’t always realize is that “taking it slow” is rarely a program-wide stance. The same coach who tells you things are moving slowly might be in daily contact with another prospect for your position, pushing hard to get her on campus before someone else does.
Programs take it slow with recruits they’re uncertain about - limited evaluations, multiple candidates for one spot, not enough to make a decision yet. They move fast for the recruit they’ve identified as their top target, especially if she has other programs paying attention or making offers.
So the question isn’t whether the program is busy or deliberate. It’s whether you’re the recruit they’d move for if they had to.
Said in June when the contact window has just opened, some patience is normal - programs are still evaluating and genuinely haven’t made decisions. Said several months in with no concrete next steps, it’s doing a lot of work to avoid a more direct conversation.
The test: ask directly - “when do you anticipate your timeline picking up?” - and listen for specificity. Then pay attention to what happens when you mention other programs are showing interest.
A program that’s genuinely interested but managing their calendar will find a way to respond to competitive pressure. One that’s keeping you warm while prioritizing someone else will find reasons why the timing still isn’t right.
“I think you’d be a great fit here”
What it sounds like: We want you, and we’ve thought carefully about why.
What it usually means: Almost anything, which is the problem.
This phrase is one of the most common in recruiting and one of the least informative. Coaches say it to players they’re genuinely excited about. They also say it to players they’re keeping warm, players they’re not sure about, and players they’re being polite to.
It feels meaningful because it’s personal - fit is a real thing, and being told you have it feels like validation. And if a coach is talking to you, you have to assume they like you enough to have engaged in recruiting you.
But notice what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say we’re offering you. It doesn’t say we’re prioritizing you. It doesn’t say we’ve evaluated you and decided you’re who we want. It says fit, which is warm and vague and hard to challenge.
When a coach says this, the follow-up question is: “What specifically makes you feel that way?” A coach who has genuinely thought about it will have a specific answer. A coach who is managing the conversation will give you something general. The difference tells you where you actually stand.
“Things are moving really fast right now”
What it sounds like: The recruiting process is intense, and a lot is happening.
What it usually means: It depends almost entirely on whether this phrase comes with more contact or less.
This is one of the more honest phrases coaches use - things genuinely do move fast in recruiting cycles, and programs really do get busy.
The question is whether the pace is causing them to engage with you more or less. If they’re reaching out more frequently, scheduling calls, pushing to arrange a visit… then the pace is working in your favour.
If “things are moving fast” is arriving as an explanation for why they haven’t responded, why a timeline slipped, why they can’t quite commit to a next step - it’s not a recruiting update. It’s a holding pattern.
The test: has anything actually changed in how often they contact you? If the answer is no, a useful response is: “I understand things are busy. When would be a good time for us to reconnect?” It requires them to name a next step without putting pressure on the relationship.
The bottom line
These three phrases are just the language category. Coaches also communicate through behavior - how often they reach out, whether they initiate or only respond, what happens to their communication patterns after you visit.
And there are things to watch for on campus visits, in how they talk about money, and in how current players behave around you, that tell you just as much as anything they say directly.
Reading all of it accurately is a skill. The good news is it’s learnable.
These three phrases are from the Language category of the Red Flag Decoder - a searchable database of 32 common patterns in recruiting, covering things coaches say, behaviors to watch for, visit warning signs, financial red flags, and cultural signals. Each entry breaks down what it sounds like, what it usually means, when it’s legitimate, when it’s concerning, and what to do next.
It’s available now for $25. With June 15 approaching, it’s the pattern recognition tool I wish every family had going in.