It happens more often than it should.
A coach says they’re interested… and then they disappear.
No follow-up. No feedback. Just silence.
For many recruits, this is confusing and discouraging - especially if things once felt promising.
Ghosting is an unfortunate part of the process for some people. And while you can’t control whether it happens, you can control how you respond.
Why It Happens
First, some context.
College field hockey programs are prioritizing the two most important parts of their jobs at once this time of year:
Navigating the start of the season with their current team
Recruiting the next generation of players
While that’s no excuse for bad communication, it is reality. Coaches are spinning a lot of plates. And sometimes, things fall through the cracks.
This is especially common in the months after June 15.
The early rush of interest, Zooms, and excitement often slows down as everyone returns to normal life - school, practice, games, travel.
It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
But it might mean you’re not at the top of their board.
One Thing That Works
Take control of the silence.
If a program has gone quiet, don’t wait around hoping they’ll come back.
Instead, re-engage with purpose:
Audit your side of the engagement — have you been passive or reactive?
Reach out with a clear, positive message that provides value and asks for next steps.
Here’s an example:
“Hi Coach — I know it’s a busy time of year, but I wanted to share a quick update. We just wrapped up our first few games of the season and I’ve attached some recent highlights. I’m still really interested in your program — would it be possible to schedule a quick call to touch base on where things stand?”
That shows initiative, maturity, and confidence — without being pushy.
After you re-engage, one of three things will likely happen:
They continue to ghost you. That sucks - and it’s not cool - but it’s also information. Lick your wounds and move on.
They come back with a “no.” That’ll sting. But remember: every recruit and every coach is looking for the no as much as the yes. Clarity is progress — and now you can focus on programs that are interested.
They apologize and set something up. Great! But this is also a good opportunity to ask for clarifying information. Their drop-off in communication gives you a natural opportunity to say, “Can I ask where I sit in your recruiting picture right now?”
No matter the outcome, you’ve taken initiative. That alone sends a strong signal about who you are.
Reality Check
If you’d started a recruiting process and the trail has gone cold, you are absolutely entitled to ask where you stand, as I’ve outlined in this newsletter.
But if a program has ignored multiple outreach attempts - and they’ve never initiated a recruiting conversation with you - it’s likely time to move on.
There’s a difference between persistence and misplaced energy.
Don’t get so attached to a fantasy that you miss the opportunities right in front of you.
Because no matter how good a school looks on paper, the best fit will always be the one that communicates clearly, recruits honestly, and makes you feel seen.
🚨 Class of 2027 🚨 - If you're looking for deeper help in this area, try The Commitment Countdown, a 75-minute video course with actionable frameworks for navigating coach conversations, decoding true intentions, and confidently handling offers.