When staying put is the harder, better choice
How to tell the difference between temporary struggles and systemic problems
Allison Keefe from The Field Hockey Analyst recently published a piece about when it’s time to leave your team.
She’d told me she was going to write it, and I was excited to read it. She outlined valid reasons: toxic coaching, no longer improving, financial strain, and misaligned goals.
Allison made the arguments for switching. But as someone who’s seen players leave my club, and as a college coach who’s watched players transfer out, I felt compelled to make the arguments for staying.
Because sometimes the problem isn’t the program. Sometimes the growth you need only comes from pushing through the discomfort instead of running from it.
The problem with checklists
Lists like Allison’s are helpful. They give families language for recognizing legitimate red flags.
But they’re also dangerous.
Because when you frame any single issue as a “sign you should leave,” you make it too easy for people to run when things get hard.
Hockey’s no longer fun? Leave.
Not improving fast enough? Leave.
Feeling challenged by a demanding coach? Leave.
The risk is that families use one difficult season, one tough coach, or one plateau in development as permission to switch teams without doing the harder work of figuring out why those things are happening.
What ownership looks like
I’ve coached long enough to see the pattern.
A player tells me they’re not improving. They want to switch clubs to find “better coaching.”
So I ask: How many extra touches are you getting each week outside of practice?
Silence.
Are you watching film of yourself? Of college or international players in your position?
No.
Have you asked your current coach what specifically you need to work on?
Not really.
The player blames the coaching. But the real problem is they’re waiting for development to happen to them instead of taking ownership of it.
Here’s the truth: if you’re not improving, there’s a chance it’s despite the coaching, not because of it.
Maybe you’ve been outworked by teammates who are doing extra training. Maybe you’re not applying feedback from practice to games. Maybe you’re physically talented but mentally coasting.
Switching clubs won’t fix that. You’ll just bring the same habits to a new environment and wonder why nothing changed.
How to tell the difference
So how do you distinguish between a legitimate problem with your program and normal growing pains that require persistence?
Time and pattern matter more than isolated incidents.
One bad tournament doesn’t mean you’re not improving. A sustained plateau over six months might.
One tough conversation with a coach doesn’t mean they’re toxic. A pattern of humiliation, boundary violations, or hostile behavior does.
One expensive showcase doesn’t mean your club is a financial burden. Consistently going into debt to keep your kid playing does.
Ask yourself: Is this a temporary struggle or a systemic problem?
Temporary struggles feel hard in the moment but usually resolve with time, effort, or a conversation.
Systemic problems persist regardless of what you do. They’re structural, not situational.
The playing time question is complicated.
If your daughter isn’t getting playing time because she’s a freshman competing against older, more experienced players, that’s temporary. It’s frustrating, but it’s not a reason to leave.
If she’s not getting playing time because she’s simply not good enough yet, that’s also not a reason to leave - that’s a reason to get better.
But here’s where club field hockey gets messy: you’re a paying customer, and not every event is purely performance-driven.
The question to ask: Is your lack of playing time because you haven’t earned it yet, or because the club isn’t structuring opportunities fairly for paying families?
If it’s the first, do the work. If it’s the second, ask hard questions, and if they can’t explain their rationale, find a club that operates differently.
Ask: What would need to change for this to work?
If the answer involves things within your control (your effort, your attitude, your preparation), then leaving won’t solve it.
If the answer involves things outside your control (coaching philosophy, team culture, financial structure), then maybe it’s time to explore other options.
When staying is the answer
Sometimes the best development happens when you stay and fight through the hard part.
Let’s say you’re not playing as much as you want. Instead of leaving, you ask your coach what you need to improve. You show up early. You stay late. You outwork the player ahead of you.
That’s character development. That’s learning how to compete.
What if you’re frustrated with your coach’s demanding style? Instead of switching clubs, you learn how to respond to tough feedback, how to separate criticism of your performance from criticism of your worth as a person.
That’s resilience. You’ll need it in college.
The team culture isn’t perfect. Instead of leaving, you become someone who makes it better. You support your teammates. You set the standard.
That’s leadership. It doesn’t show up on a recruiting profile, but college coaches notice it.
When leaving is the answer
To be clear: there are absolutely times when leaving is the right choice. Allison addresses this in her piece, but it’s worth repeating here.
If a coach is abusive, creating a hostile environment, or crossing professional boundaries, get out. Player safety always comes first.
If your family is going into debt to fund a sport that has no professional future, find a more affordable option. Financial sustainability matters.
If the program’s goals are fundamentally misaligned with yours - you want to compete at the highest level, and they’re focused on participation - then find a better fit.
But these should be the exceptions, not the default.
The bottom line
Switching teams or clubs should never be the easy choice.
It should be the hard choice you make after exhausting every other option.
Before you leave, ask yourself:
Have I done everything within my control to improve this situation? Have I had honest conversations with my coach about what I need? Have I taken ownership of my development instead of waiting for it to happen?
Is this a temporary struggle that requires persistence, or a systemic problem that requires change?
If you can honestly say you’ve done the work and the situation is still untenable, then leave.
But if you’re leaving because things are hard, because you’re not the star, because your coach challenges you, or because you hit a plateau you haven’t tried to break through on your own, then you’re running from the exact growth opportunity you need.
Stay. Do the work. Push through. Sometimes the harder choice is the more rewarding one.
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